how to know what you want and how to get there is one of those questions that has been haunting me for the last year.
i can not explain even in words how my life has become so uncomplicated lately that i even noticed i feel nothing. it is that emptiness no one should ever experience but i believe it is something that happens when you decide to leap forward and protect your own well-being from others.
defenses go up and nothing can come inside your mind, body and soul – as they say! the outer layers are always easiest to discover. what kind of food to try, places to see, surroundings, even changing your appearance. what happens when you can’t really change what you are feeling inside?
when one used to believe that love could conquer all and not matter if you had that or not, you knew or felt as though life was a mere moment of reality. believing in something and then to have it all taken away, leaves you feeling pretty discouraged and unreachable. you become frozen in your own time and know you still breathing, still living logic and doing the normal things that are expected in society.
so what next?
the numbness has taken over and it will probably take an enormous amount of distraction to get me even feeling the slightest anything.