sometimes, we believe in something or someone so much that we avoid the inevitable. the truth about people can certainly be revealed if only you take a moment and evaluate all your actions.

feeling as though my heart has finally taken a beating | i don’t believe i have felt this way since my other crash of 2008 | it has been hard to even breath at times. keeping my moral up while working, trying to realize the situation was bound to happen but the fact remains i have been made a fool of yet again.

thinking the men in my life have been based on a fantasy i think, thinking they will adapt to my needs and wants when in fact they have no idea what those are. i have always pleased them, did things even though it was uncomfortable for me and made every situation work as best as i can. if i look beyond all this superficial crap, i realize they had done nothing to do the same for me. it is as though the relationship was one sided and i had to live with the delusion that maybe someday they would change in theory.

what hurts the most is i also realized, any man who cares about a woman makes the effort to be with her, nurture, understand, compromise and how her that her feelings matter. in my last relationship nothing about me mattered. i was last on that ‘to do list’ | whether it was communicating or planning our days together.

my question today now and i am going search for is why are the wrong men showing up in my life when what i need and want are so visible and communicated effectively? the other question is this | why do i allow this shit to happen over and over again when i know deep down i would never have want i needed out of them?

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