as i try very hard to motivate myself into positive thinking, i find myself less and less able to be anything but positive. writing, working, creating are all part of who i am and lately, i just feel like everything i do is a waste of time and effort.
how did i get here?
yesterday, after work, i said to myself, ‘i will go lay in my paradise place’ the pool and hopefully all will be o.k. however, even floating there, i couldn’t get into that happy place of mine. sad to say, i am very aware of my condition lately, i suppose being aware is good but fixing it is another thing. the honest truth, i am not happy with anything in my life and i must find a simple way of making things better.
the next step is how. i never expected to be in this sink hole again and far be it for me to even showing this but people have noticed. i am however grateful that most of them are letting me do my thing and have not tried to fix me. the comments have stopped, the looks are there but the feeling still lingers.
my next question is where to start? how do i find one thing to make me happy and keep that feeling or maybe this is my life and i must accept it for what it is. i am just hoping that the answer will come soon before i drown.