when people suffer, whether it’s a loss, at times it can feel as though there is no hope. i really truly believe in some way this is true. if you are in your moment then feelings of despair is inevitable. this process is one of the hardest things.
we are creators of our own sorrow, never understanding why shit happens and then we judge ourselves for our failures. i am one of those people and the fact that i can’t let go of my past mistakes and defects, i suffer this horrible self destructive attitude within.
in the recent days, i was reminded over and over again how foolish i was in my past and even this morning i am sitting here writing this post thinking why. the idea must be put away, i must move forward and yet in my busy little mind, i cannot. wanting things and realizing them makes me wonder, the sacrifice, the details of my hard work and then my body telling me to slow down. i was very sick this morning and i know it is a result of built up stress. other than the migraine, tension is building up in my neck and shoulders and that is when i know i need a time out from my brain.
if only i could do this much good for myself as i do for others. i am constantly reminded how i can run a business, organize anything you put in front of me, master the art of fixing and yet when it boils down to my own desires and self awareness, the road becomes a 4 way stop.
my next step in my life is about to be realized and i think at this point i will have to really get my shit together and find self awareness and work on letting go.