defeat. my word of the day and the price you pay for making mistakes and trusting life and it’s path but the word still comes to mind. defeat.
I wonder about many things these days, work, people, this journey and what it tells me is because it is so complicated and for the life of me, I can’t understand why. things should just fall into place, time is a fragment of what can become and be amended. how do we begin to be better when the rest of the world does not follow?
I really don’t know my friends, I am still questioning all that is meant to be and all that is. I thought for sure if I kept positive and found ways to clear my mind, do good things in my life, I would get all the good that should come back.
alas! I was wrong.
so frustrated that nothing good is happening, that i am hiding behind this frigging wall and everything is beyond my reach. this isn’t living, this is torcher, destructive and incredibility frustrating. something has to change, something has to be better than this. people whom i thought were enthusiastic of my goals and abilities now seem like a memory in time. can’t turn that page again only because it is a mere segment.
so now what? i know one thing for sure. i can’t pretend anymore, i can’t show a different face because it is a lie.