i used to believe in love, so much that i would give myself unconditionally to anyone who would make the time of day for me. what i have realized is that, love has sucked the life out of me.
today, i sit here and know that i have to stop giving myself because love has destroyed all that i am. i gave and gave and i have nothing left. my brother told me, “you have to just decide to be happy” but i asked that question when you have no idea what makes you happy. i really don’t! i used to be when i was in love and now it seems there is no finding that happiness.
i recently went to Las Vegas, which i will write a post on my adventure there, reason being it was my brother’s birthday but i really went for me, to find meaning, to get away from the normal. what i ended up with was the realization that i feel nothing unless i have someone to love. i came home with expectations and ended up with nothing.
so now i search; i search for the answers to happiness and how i can make a better life. i truly believe there are many people like me, they just don’t show it or verbalize it. i guess this is why i write and show my honesty in my writing in hopes of helping others and making them realize, they aren’t alone.
love…now that’s another story.