fear is one of the most common symptoms of mental illness, fear of failure, fear of reality, fear of not being good enough, the list goes on. those who suffer from lack of confidence become those who use and abuse substances. i think it is because when you are high or drunk, you become someone else, fearing nothing and caring about nothing. that in itself is the big reason most who are abusers, never really know how to become connected with the real world.
positive reinforcement no longer works because most of the time, even if someone tells you, ‘you are doing great’, you lack the ability to believe that. knowing is growing and when you can truly believe in yourself, you can beat anything.
but how do you get there?
there are so many that cannot get to that happy place and it is with lack of understanding so many fail. the problem is therapy, programs as such, help in the moment but when faced with difficult situations, a person will lack the fundamentals on their own because they lack the confidence outside of their ‘safe zone’.
i have watched this happen progressively through my own son, who for the life of me i can’t understand why he is still in the same place he was years ago. as much as we try and make things right, the willingness has to be there. it does not mean that as a parent we do not suffer for them in silence. what we have learned is to give that so called ‘tough love’ but my ambitions have taken me further. although i know my son needs incredible amounts of help, i choose to detach because otherwise i will drive myself crazy.
i am glad over the years my fears of being a bad parent have diminished, however the questions still run around in my head:
‘could i have done better?’ – probably not. but to believe this is better set aside for another blog post.