ok so life can truly bring you in different directions and when facing times of doubt, we often seek out true and responsive actions. we scatter our brains to find answers to everything and anything just to discover, there is no answer to the questions.

i used to be filled with so much love in my heart and times have changed my outlook on life. as you grow older you see life for what it really is and you begin to focus on the necessity instead of the reality. this comes from a moment i had about a week ago when someone asked me why i don’t seem happy.

truth be told, i am not complete happy i am just here. i have become so hard that even after a few drinks in my i can’t bring myself to find a little happiness. i went to my nieces wedding this weekend, i was so in ‘awe’ at her beauty and how lucky she was to have all this magic around her on her special day. although i still don’t agree with her marriage, not for me to decide what is best for her, it really was all magical. surrounded by her family and friends, the room was lite up and you could feel the love all around. the problem was i so wished i could feel that in my heart and once again find my inner peace.

jealous? not at all, i do envy those around me who have that kind of love as i remember faintly what it was like once or maybe not at all. i used to think i had that but when i think about it, i believe it was a mere reflection of what i wanted. as my teacher once said to me: ” there is still one corner of my life yet unfulfilled”.

i wish my niece the best of luck in her marriage as i know how important it was for her to have me there. she is a beautiful woman and i want nothing but the best for her.