uncontrollable feelings

as we start a new week i want to share with you very personal feelings.

my thoughts are everywhere, the feelings of anxiety, forgetting things, can’t keep one thought in my head and i feel as though i have been hit by a big wave of something that i cannot understand.

i have read all there is to read on this whole process ( recent surgery – symptoms ) and even though they say my feelings, physical and mental are normal, i feel frustrated as i cannot accept the idea of not being in control of my own well-being. it actually scares the crap out of me and i mostly feel trapped. i don’t know how many other women are feeling or have felt this way, but i truly believe we should start a club.

funny thing is someone said to me yesterday they now know why marriages end in divorce even after being married for over 25 years. the uncontrollable feelings, despair, weakness, loss of energy and the tiredness. i was someone who could juggle ten things at once and now after a few hours, i need a nap. it is basically PMS 24/7! you wake up good and then POOF! here goes that inability to function.

 

this is where i am.

i am fearful as well, as i am supposed to return to work but my professional life may have to take a hold for a little while longer. i would never want to do something that would endanger anyone. i guess it is time i realized that this is bigger than me and i can’t control everything. i am just going to have to listen to my body and shut the front door!