i have spent the last two days off rethinking my life and how i ended up where i am still feeling as though my life isn’t exactly what it should be.
i remember being here before but for different reasons | it isn’t because i know i have failed at every thing, family, friends, parenting, work and most of all relationships with men but as i look deep down in my epic reality there are two things that pop up:
“trust and unconditional love”
we point the finger far to often at others who judge us and never look at themselves which then becomes the foundation for trust. if we can’t trust that who we are and who we represent is enough to make us happy, how can we expect anyone else to feel this trust?
i have never in my life trusted anyone for the simple reason, trusting means giving your whole existence in the hands of another human being. the willingness of trust to another because you feel as though they will at any cost be there for you, support your life and ideas, until one day they absorb whatever dignity you have left.
here is where unconditional love comes in
my favourite word of all time, love | our whole existence should be based on love and how love can conquer whatever tragedy or reality happens. whether bad or good, love should take precedence over everything because in the end it really does fix everything. unconditional love means loving an individual, no matter who they are, how they act, how they appear to the world, believing that their choices and realities are what they make of themselves matters not but the idea of acceptance of all that whether good or bad, you are always there for that person.
i have unconditionally loved people in my life | and still do | only to get shattered and put down but still love them unconditionally. i truly feel as though they have not seen what i see and i cannot judge them for their own reality. what it has done to me is taken what heart i have left and thrown it to the curb ‘sorta speak’. anyone and everyone who does read this will feel some sort of resentment towards me reason being they know it’s true. they feel this way because they have not yet found unconditional love or trust within enough to accept my reality. therefore, i take no responsibility for them but only for myself and my thoughts.
what happens now is up to me | whether people feel i am truly worthy of their trust and unconditional love or not. i will not challenge anyone but be silent until the day comes when i can finally admit my own happiness of life.