when your heart is a weapon of mass destruction, deception and disillusion, how you don’t realize how bad it is until you take time to stop.
when relationships fail, we bury ourselves in other ways to forget the pain and failure and for the time being it is as if all is good. but when you take time to stop, feelings seems to surface at an incredible rate. you think of all the things that could have been, things that are and the things you never thought were possible. you question and doubt every action you have taken and even future endeavours. it isn’t because we are not worthy of good things, it is just because we haven’t taken the time to deal with our feelings of hurt.
it soon will be one year since my separation, with all the trials and tribulations along the way in the last few months, i keep asking myself the same question:
how does someone let you walk away if they truly love you?
then the next question is:
did they truly love you?
i guess that is all i see; years ago, i never thought i would open my heart again to any man, for fear of failure and here i am again. no matter what anyone says to me, it still boils down to my failure. i couldn’t keep it together, i couldn’t make so no matter what, i would stick it out. had i stayed in my relationship would life be different now? i know, i can’t go back but nonetheless, it would be nice if when you have relationship failure, that both parties could talk it out and realize you were both wrong for each other instead of just having one person dwell of the fact she or he is not worthy of love.