To Worry or Not

it occurred to me that i worry very much about things and people. i was shoveling snow outside last night and i asked myself why i was bothered by certain events that were going on and i found the answer. as i kept pushing the snow, i was reminded of how as a parent, we worry all the time about our children even though they are grown up or try to be. i guess as a team leader, the same comes to mind when certain situations are under going changes.

i have always known i was born to lead and i do it with pride. but there is also another little factor i did not realize is that i also worry about certain people whom i shouldn’t worry about. on a personal note, my father spends the holidays, the whole month of December alone while his wife travels back here to our home town to be with her children at Christmas. She has done this for a few years now and i never realized it until yesterday, how much it bothered me. we were experiences our first real snow storm yesterday i was quite concerned about her travelling under these conditions. it wasn’t the snow storm that bothered me it was the fact that she was leaving my father in Texas.

i don’t apologize for the way i feel because it would contradict what i preach about unconditional. i think it is very selfish of her to do this and it bothers me to no end. i yelled it out while speaking to my bf and it really opened my eyes. what i felt was she was risking her life and the life of her child to pick her up at the airport for the sake of being home. meanwhile, it really wasn’t that at all.

i turned to my bf and said i would never do this under any circumstances leave him alone during the holidays. i am so proud of my dad because he is retired and has the luxury of being in a warm place for 6 months out of the year. the fact remains, how many years do they have left together? she should be spending it with him.

that’s me.

it is a matter of principle that i say all this and if her children wish to see her so badly at Christmas, then let them travel there.

the point in all this is as i have said before, we grow every day, we realize things that seemed blurred before and in the end, i am the one is bothered by this. no one else but it did feel good to say it out loud. i know for sure that if i am half as lucky as my dad and able to go south in the winter, i will appreciate every moment and spend it with the one i love.

don’t forget those who are less fortunate at this time of year and be courageous with your feelings. it is the only way to have peace of mind and sanity.