i talk often about self love, self devotion and more so how to be epic and live in the moment. lately i am just the opposite, hiding behind my own bullshit, never letting anyone seeing the real me and more so never letting anyone know what is really ailing me.
i guess some old habits are hard to break.
i am also realizing my spirit of laughter and fun is or as diminished and i think this morning i looking at searching really deep into my self to find out what the hell is going on. last night, like a big baby, i cried myself to sleep. yes, 52 and still sobbing as though i had lost something very precious. but the truth is i have – myself. i relentless at finding out what is really going on and i am pursing it as you read this. there is no better way than writing to find out the true nature of anything.
it makes me think, someone gave me a compliment yesterday and i just uttered words of negativity when in fact this person was being so honest. another trait in myself i really need to work on is knowing how to accept a compliment without thinking there is motive behind it. some people in my life see me as a tower of strength, power house, always in control of every situation and the truth is they really never see the real me.
kind of hypocritical isn’t as i am always preaching about being in the moment, be honest and show your true self.
so this boils down to being aware, which i am very confident i know i am not myself these days and just work on that.
2017 – new bucket list and knowing how to make my life epic again!