i consider myself a pretty level-headed person but when someone pushes my button, i can really explode. there is only so much a person can take when life throws shit at you and i know as time has taught me, the experience can just be a mere reflection of what could be.
i have said also, control is an illusion and even though we make choices, life can alter everything.
what burns my ass, even more, is that when the shit keeps coming you have to ask yourself what does life have next in store for me. as i reflect on my choices, my decisions, my life’s work on self-devotion, i am filled with questions. things i have to do to keep sane do not help and i am focusing on keeping my strength for my work. there used to be a time when writing and being here creating would give me pleasure and distraction for my own reality. but as i sit here i still have to many boxes open. i realize i am only human and have to keep it simple not to explode because it would certainly cause fear in so many people i care about.
still, my feelings are important and i can say without a doubt, i am hiding much that needs to be said out loud. i do not pretend to be someone else but only a shaded area covers my truth and reasoning.