the harsh reality these days is I can’t seem to find my happy place. even this website, nothing fits right, nothing lays right and I am feeling all mixed up inside. I often wonder how important this place is and what value it brings to my life. then again, it has been told by many that I inspire others and somehow, that seems like enough to keep moving on.
the real problem is that I try to make this as pleasant and well put together as possible but I am not myself, nothing seems to work. I had so many goals for 2019 and none of which have appeared yet. I am constantly battling with my worth, very disappointed in all I do and feel I no longer have purpose or direction.
after updating and cleaning out all my social media, sitting here day after day trying to decide what comes next and living the nightmare of fixing this website once and for all, the question remains:
“why can’t I get lucky and have what I want”