The undeserving feeling

today marks yet another day of losing something; i had a moment earlier thinking about things i have worked very hard for all my life and most of which either get taken away or i lose them because things just happen. you give and give in hopes of getting back exactly what you put into something and then poof! you lose more than you put out. the smallest things seem out of reach and for whatever reason seem impossible to gain back.

so what is this law of attraction? why is it that when putting my positive energy, gifts, love, thankfulness, etc…it turns out negative? my thought this morning was that i am not deserving; maybe i really don’t deserve the good life that i was supposed to have or even the life that i really work hard at every day.people will tell you that you get what you put out but i feel most of time, circumstances around you make it so impossible to attain these goals or dreams. acceptance is another word that comes to mind; by accepting what we have, we are suppose to feel abundance, gratefulness. but what happened to all that work for more and it all gets taken away for some reason? why is everything i want and need just out of my reach?

the unfortunate thing about all these feelings are regrets. i start thinking of everything i have done, whom i have done things with and feel angry for losing all the things i had, things i really put my heart and soul into and within moments, had them slip out from underneath me. law of attraction – seriously, kiss my ass!