lately i have been writing a lot about regret, things that i have done in the past that i wish i could erase. i am reading a book called: “out of the darkness into the light” by Laurie-Ann Sheldrick and yesterday i decided to pick it up again and read more. now this girl is all about being positive, she thrives on it and although i do not agree with her method of self help, a bit far fetch for me, she is to say the least a very positive and ambitious person. she is a wonderful life coach and many people inspire to be like her.
in her book, she talks about mad ideas, those of which i am very familiar with. i ask her a question about it and her response was lengthy and very inspiring.
my question was:
“good morning my epic guru. i’m basking in the sun and decided to pick up your book again. i’m on page 28 ya i’ve slacked off on reading anyways what if i have completely blank out on past mad ideas what if i have really deleted all this negative shit how do i get to the reasoning of my mad ides? the thing is i know where my life stem from. my mother is and always has been a thorn. negative cant even begin to describe the shit she planted in my head. just a little insight if you have time.”
this was her response:
Hello on this beautiful day! The tiny mad ideas planted from others are the most difficult. We think, “if they said them, they must be true.” Especially when they come from our parents. We also think, if they are our parents, shouldn’t they act like kind, loving moms and dads? Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. What I now know is that their beliefs, thoughts and opinions often (mostly) come from their own parents and upbringing. And, as you know, don’t always get passed on in a positive way.
she also added this:
she finally just had to change the way she reacted and not wait in expectation for her to be different. It won’t always be easy, but you have to get to a place where you know that she will never change, but you will absolutely not accept her behavior or negative words to keep you down. Remind yourself of who you are, which is loving and kind, and became who you are in spite of her. Remind yourself that what she says is not true. When you think of her and the things she planted, don’t let it get momentum. Often, we try to ignore a thought, but instead we should let the thought in, give it less then 17 seconds and stop it in its tracks once we feel like it is taking us down. Even simply saying, “I will not let her bring me down. I will not come down to her level.” This takes practice, but in time, we react so differently to things that use to make us spiral. It’s tough, but when it comes to our parents, we also have to remember that they are human beings and may not always live up to the mom and dad expectations that we have of them.
although i am very impressed with her words, i can’t help but pick this apart, as i have completely shut myself off of the negativity i have received as a child, young adult and even as a grown woman, i believe these ideas are always embedded for some people. these ideas and thoughts will forever linger in one’s mind, positive or negative and life has chosen to be hard, more for others than some.
i am a very positive person when it comes to my children and unfortunately life has been very difficult for them. they do not see the light of day and constantly think negative thoughts. i have tried my hardest to make them see that it isn’t always about them but how society influences there environment and there are things you cannot change. i think struggle is the killer when it comes to living a normal healthy life and the reality is we much accept it and live a life we can afford not dream about. some were born with a golden spoon and others were infused with bullshit.