i kept thinking this morning how i have to get my shit together. so busy doing things everyone else and not paying attention to my needs. in other words, i need to empty my brain.
i was amazed to find myself looking into an empty box and it made me realize how when you do not have the tools necessary to make shit happen, how lost a person can be. we think all is good until we know that in order to work at something, we need more tools. there is a word i heard yesterday, it’s called ‘compartmentalize’. i love that because it signifies the idea of putting everything in their proper place. lately i have noticed i stopped doing this and things are getting chaotic again.
in the outside world, i am a leader and a pier, both equally important for the job i do. at times, being a leader means you must listen to all of the parties and make a decision based on the ideas they bring forth. it’s ‘tuff’ being in this place because i am such a control freak that i like things my way and that’s it. i like doing things in my own mannerism but learning to be objective is growing every day.
is it a good value? somewhat. sometimes my piers trust that i make the right decisions for the group and others do not believe in me at all. i see their eyes piercing, wondering what they can do next to make my life less tolerable.
validation is another word that comes to mind this morning because in this job you do not get this at all. i have learned to just do the job and shut up because if not i would cause other issues.
lastly, there is always that one person who also shows you or even says how important you are and makes things better. i guess when you take the good with the bad. it all evens out.