blank feeling

words said out loud can forever hurt someone. words put on paper last a lifetime. but what about the words that are never said?

ever get the feeling that sometimes people do not tell you things that otherwise they should, that something doesn’t fit the profile. i have a gift, i can see things that others don’t and i know when people are ultimately hiding something from me. i also can tell when a person isn’t quite truthful to their nature.

maybe it should be a curse because knowing some of this makes me crazy in some way but i use it to my advantage. can you imagine for just one moment if all our thoughts and feelings could be said out loud, real thinking, real words?

But isn't it so much better when you've got someone who loves you to help rebuild?:

would you be in that very place your are now, would be able to face those whom surround yourself with every day and could be honest about everything?

what do you think the circumstances would reveal?

Revelations: Is there hope?

taken from my book 13 Chaos – an amount of writing from many moons ago or so it seems

Putting aside your feelings for the sake of someone else’s is not always a good thing.  You destroy the inner beauty, the very soul that lives within you and you can never take it back.  I am such a victim; I can tell you my heart has never been the same.  I have given up so much of my life for this one person, that I have become not only lost but have lost strength and belief in which I am.

For awhile, I was beginning to find my inner self and I know it is still there.  But the burning question I have is why can’t I have it all?  I want so much to find peace of mind again; I would do just about anything to sacrifice myself to get it.  But what I really want is so unattainable, that’s it is slowing killing me.  I mean emotionally, physically I feel totally doomed.  I went to see a counselor yesterday and against all my better judgement; she was not positive about anything.  The only thing I got from that whole conversation was that I was in the wrong.  I was the problem, I was not a victim, I was the idiot who kept reaching and reaching for more pain.  I have never been a really big fan of therapy because I feel they try and seduce your mind into believing something you’re not.  Like most people.

.humanity

a post taken from a book i wrote once and never published: 13 chaos – when you stop you lose

How is this possible?  Can you really be strong and weak at the same time?  Yes my fellow bloggers, friends, family and social networks; there is humanity!

We all go through life experiencing ups and downs, sorrows, defects, successes, etc

And I have come realize as well, we can be strong when faced with challenges and weak when we are faced in love.  This is me; I can’t express enough about this being in love.  It is the root of all.  Think about it; we were all created by love, in one form or another.  And for better or worse, love is the center of the universe.

You are strong when you are in love, love for yourself, love of your new first business, love of a new friends and I could go on.  You feel strong when you have accomplished a great project and people love the work you have done, therefore, you receive love.  You acknowledge someone else’s journey, whatever that maybe, and you love them for letting them discover who they are. You social network in hopes that someone will take notice in your interesting read and love them for following.  So far, you are strong in all these situations. The internet shows us so many ways to find love in a large growing world of information overload that upgrading is the first word we speak.

On the other hand, when you fail a task you had so diligently worked on, you feel weak for not succeeding.  When someone rejects your calls, emails, letters, thoughts, you feel weak because you fear lost of love.  When you get fewer responses from your daily writings, or hits from your new website, you feel weak because no one paid attention.  When you finally adapt to a situation, comfortable and able to function in your life because you were so overwhelmed by a loss, or death, or depression and yet still borderline weak because you can’t face the reality yet.  And so you are weak in all these situations.  Big DEAL!!

I know this all seems a bit crazy, but it makes sense.  Strong and weak go together; humanity is a funny thing and we are all human.  I never give advice, I am not an expert.  I write what I have lived through; some days are better than others, as I am sure for most people.

So for today:  I feel strong that I have written a great book, but I feel weak that I had to edit because it had flaws.  So be it, done it, working on it and will continue to ride the wave of humanity.

 

there’s a thing called simple

my biggest failure is how to simplify my life. it is almost as if i have to keep super busy in order to keep sane. although lately, my physical needs have proven to be more super than i.

so many of us are busy, failing to understand the concept of taking it easy until one day, our lives take a turn and we must sit back and look at what matters.

i have been ‘jibber jabbing’ lately about life in general, over thinking everything and wondering if i am just being a destructive self. being busy is my middle name and satisfaction is the game. my projects consists of wanting the impossible but looking for the next adventure.

i have been working on a new website for music, very challenging but it is my forté! i love it, singing, dancing, listening to new artist. there is something about music that makes the body and soul feel good. i have added a link to my new site, although it isn’t quite ready but i hope to have it done soon as i will be posting it to Google Play for the audience to download to their phones and tablets. if you want to follow the updates go to my Facebook page.

people

 

there is a thing about life and it’s called success.

some of us are never complete until we know we have succeeded in all aspects of our lives. i am simply still working on mine.

i want to thank the people who follow and read my blog posts, without their support and acknowledgements, i would never feel complete.

remember, simplify and easy does it!

the leading lady

a very inspiring post i did many years ago…2011

I once heard that if you aren’t the leading lady of your own life, then you are just a woman. Not that is anything wrong with that but every once in a while a woman has to stand her ground.

I for one never used to be able to do that; I had become so non aggressive that I have let so many people walk and talk all over me.  I never took a stand, never spoke my mind, always afraid that the person in front of me would either laugh or just run away.  I have learned lately from great motivators that life is too short and if I don’t speak up now, I will never be a leading lady.  Which is where I want to be?

Now that I have followed my dream of writing, and improving everyday with tips and guides from so many well established authors, I hope to be one of those leading ladies that inspires someone else, that wishes to follow me on my journey and becomes motivated and strong.  I cannot emphasis enough how this book has really given me strength, courage and new found love for myself.  It is not about the money really but more the voyage on my way to a new beginning (No pun intended)

So for today, I wish you all love, happiness and the courage to find your leading lady.

.yes or not

part of being adults is creating a life we really deserve and want. the hard part is getting there and with no doubt in mind, somethings are harder to achieve.

to see people suffer in silence is one of the things that should never be ignored although i can tell you from experience, sometimes silence is the best medicine. there are those who choose to be silent because they are reflecting on important aspects of their lives. if we were to look at deeper issues, i think we would just stir up some uninvited memories of things we regret and can never fix. the hard part is living with this and being able to say to ourselves, it happened, let it go!

 

i have many regrets in life, some of which i could just use my big delete button and erase. even today, as much as i know now, i still can’t let that shit go because it haunts me. i have done the research and made the necessary changes to my life in order to better my environment and way of life. however, this comes at a cost and i am unsatisfied with my results.

struggle comes to mind because of this i lose sight of important things and begin to question my ability to succeed. last year my goal was to simplify and i failed at that. i have taken on more responsibility and for what? to be more powerful, popular or because it is in my blood to do better and be better?

those are questions for the next post.

what are we left with…