attitude and behavior

epic is having the most stressful time, it seems to me that politeness and compassion have thrown out into the wind and people have become so ungrateful. i do realize at this time of year, people tend to get a little more stressed and excited all in the same sentence but it is also a time of giving.

i am sick to my stomach thinking how many people in my hours of the day that do not appreciate things. a smile, assistance of any sort, can easily go a long way. on another foot so can anger, bad manors and sadness.

working with the public is the one of the most challenging jobs in the world, other than child bearing, and i can tell you from experience, we all know we can never please everyone. i had a horrible day yesterday for lack of trying to be happy and cheerful, it seems i can’t shake the madness. no matter how hard i try to be nice, happy and grateful, shit turns around and beats me on the head.

i can understand why so many people have issues, lacking things maybe or just maybe they are born to make others miserable. honestly in my years of experience and studying this great epic psychology, you aren’t born miserable. it is conditioned at an early age. the trick is to really see it for what it is and snap out of it!

i think as time moves closer to the big day, it will get crazier and i will have to find some magic power to keep my sanity.

what are we trying to say

there is much talk about how relationships should work and how some never work. the concept of having a great relationship comes from being able to love unconditionally. i have stressed this for many years and i only wish people would see this in a positive way.

everyone has their own views on love and i fully accept that. you see the different sides of what love should be and i am one who tell you that over time, the definition will change. maybe it is just because i have grown to understand it more or maybe it is because i live in reality that the door of love is vast and we must respect it.


what makes me laugh are the different kinds of ‘so called love’ because people i really delusional when it comes to expressing their affection for another. personally i am the whole package; i like physical love as well as mental love. i like it when someone does things for me but i am very affectionate so hugs and kisses are great.  sometimes people experience neither and it makes me wonder how they survive without this. if you are in a relationship for the sake of just existing with one another, i think it’s time to evaluate your life.

i don’t care who you are or what you do for a living, we all need human contact!

it makes me think, if you are with someone for the sake of being in a relationship just because it looks good, you need to think again. wasting valuable time on love is another pet peeve. not only are you taking away the precious gift of love from another but you are also sacrificing true happiness. on the other hand if you are in a relationship that fulfills you, please the time to appreciate that person and remember, a gesture can go a long way.

wanting something better

we all strive to be better, to be something we are not or is it just society that makes us want these ideas?

i can remember a time when simplicity or it seemed simple was all i had. one day i woke up and decided that life had to be better than what it is. today, i have more things than i ever imagined and yet some things are still unattainable.

the question is why do i want more?

i guess purpose takes a big role in this. undoubtedly i am the type of person that continues to grow with the idea that i need and want more. it’s all about achievements and i know when i want something, work for it and attain it, i always find something else to work on.

the only epic thing in my life that i no longer have to work for is my personal relationship. i have been blessed with a very good man, whom takes care of me even when sometimes i am not a nice person. love is a funny thing but believing in it unconditionally is my life’s work. i am grateful for him every day and i hope he knows that.

the rest of my subjects, creativity, writing and work are still of course a work in progress. i think it’s a passion of living for something.

.money buys everything

a very special lady i know mentioned one word:


and it made me think of how important money really is and the reality of it. the old saying goes, ‘money can’t buy happiness’ but it sure can buy you all your needs.

i truly believe money can buy everything, sad to say but if you really think about it where would we be without it?

in the gutter, no clothes, no food, no fun, no roof over our heads, nothing. you can even make someone love you because you have money and the more you flash it, the more they want.

most people are so superficial that if you were rich, it wouldn’t matter how ugly you are, they would still love you. if you were fat and fluffy, dishing out all the good things money can buy, you would be attractive.

i hate money, i really do, it causes so much stress in my life that i have become obsessive about it. counting every damn nickel because you can’t round it to the cent anymore. it is also true that the more you have, the more you spend. inflation rises, keeping us from getting the greater things in life and we just can’t grasp that one thing really deserve.

i could write all day about money and how it affects my life on a personal level. it really makes me angry. i said something that bares repeating last night, that i see some people who have the very things i really deserve and want and can’t get it – EVER! i said: those people don’t even deserve it.

cruel – i know – but in my eyes some people do things or say things to get what they want and never really work hard enough to accomplish real life goals.


therefore on a personal level, i am here. accepting that some things are just out of my grasp because money can buy everything and i will never have enough to get the things i want and really worked hard for.

society and life has proven this to me.

having the courage to be who you truly are

far to often, we forget who we are – we become something else in order to satisfy someone else’s needs or wants. whether it be work, relationships, friendships or even public figures.

what i can say about this is it brings nothing but tragedy to your life.

i have seen it, i have lived it and most of all i have felt it. i personally have changed my colours many times for the sake of saving face i can say that from experience it only ruins great moments. you come to realize that it can destroy your well – being and health. what you do need to do is not change who you are but have respect for others around you who do not quite understand the concept.

unconditional means this: not subject to any conditions

conditions – hmmm



the reality today is whether or not people can actually be who they are and what would happen if we all decided one day to actually live out of the box? i know realistically it would probably ruin some of us but i guess i live in a bubble wishing everyone would just accept each other unconditionally.

alas!  i know in this world that is the moment of truth and no one can really see the value someone might bring to the table if we were to see people for who they really are. my epic wish would be to able to be my true self in all aspects of my life and be accepted and allowed.

big reality isn’t it?

people need a reality check

there are many ways to live your life and most of mine has been somewhat real and otherwise the pretend game.

recent events have lead me to unfold more truths about myself and i feel as though i have had a break through with my reality. saying it out loud seems like the bigger thing but sitting here writing it is much more appealing as i love to go back and read what i wrote many moons from now. it is how i cope with things and free myself of unnecessary bullshit.

since last Thursday, i have been in deep thought about a certain part of my life that is literally sucking the happiness out of me and for what? for one minute if i could deeply believe that i am the person people say i am i think i would be put in a high rise, fancy office and literally feeling as though people didn’t matter. but they do – it really doesn’t matter what type of people we come across, they all play a big part in our lives.

what i have come to see is that some were put on this earth to make us feel little, less worthy of our natural ability to learn and succeed.

thinking outside the box here…

for the past 7 months, i have been in a leadership role, one that is important to others and their lives. struggling in the beginning, fixing things that needed to be fixed and putting every in order was to say the least difficult but successful i believe. listening to others comment on my progress and acknowledging my efforts was taken at great value. although this position is one that is a constant learning experience, it is also a position in which you must become someone else in order to keep professionalism. personally, i am respectful in most situations, i never judge others and try to keep an open mind about everything. that is part of my self training on unconditional love. however, there are times when a line must be crossed and the reality is that i am being someone else that makes me feel uncomfortable.

it only took one moment in time and two people to do it: destruction of my self respect, honesty, work and value of life.


so for days now i have been wondering where it is going to lead me and a part of me says let it go and the other stubborn part says fight for what is right. we cannot let people walk all over us in order to satisfy their ability to perceive what is good or not. people like this must be stopped in their tracks and made to realise their position and how their determination to hurt others will not be accepted.

we cannot be happy if we deny ourselves of true identity. if we become someone else to fulfil someone else’s agenda then we are not being true to ourselves. be who you are, live the life you want and speak out to those who need a reality check.