i am faced with a challenge this morning and it is not an easy one.
in any important position, you must make choices and decisions whether you like them or not. sometimes, having more than one face helps but i can tell you being the person i am my heart always takes over. there is no easy way to describe what i am feeling at the moment other than the decision on what is more important.
a long time ago, i took an oath. i vowed to stand behind a group of people regardless of what my personal feelings were. i can tell you over a year later, as i am still standing. this challenge is getting more and more difficult. what i set out to do has failed me and i am on the fence whether to believe anymore in what i stand for.
as i am a great at analyzing, i see the light at the end of the tunnel sorta speak and i know if i take one road what will happen and if i take the other, the repercussions of my decision will certain start animosity among-st some people.
this frustration is certainly tearing me and i do not know what to do. for the time in my life i am in a very different sector. i am certainly glad i am not running this country because i can tell you i would not be the wisest frosting on the cake.
we deal with all kinds of people and for what it is worth, we must accept each and everyone for who they are and what they do.
this is called unconditional
how hard is that? very.
i get very frustrated when i see people who can’t fix a simple thing or can’t organize shit the way i perceive it. i guess i am a creature of organization and when i see people who can’t time manage or otherwise, i get really bent out of shape. in my eyes and mind it isn’t hard to do but failing to understand another person’s way of doing things makes me question my ability to live unconditionally.
there are days where i want to just scream out loud and tell them exactly what i think or feel and yet i stop myself because i know it would probably affect the given situation or hurt others.
why can’t we just be who we are and have others accept this nature?
i laughed too yesterday when i was told that because of the position i am in i have to be and act a certain way. does that remove all the reality from my life?
it sure does.
it restricts me in a way that breaks my inner spirit and it is unfortunate that i have to realistically live this way. i promote and write about being real, authentic and who you are when in fact i can’t be.
how fair is that?
clear your mind.
close all unnecessary boxes.
things i think about when i want to feel epic and share most thoughts. although, sometimes my thoughts run crazy and it is very difficult to keep them straight. they say to many to things going on but i am a pretty organizer of my life. prioritizing everything that is really important and setting aside time for my peace and sanity.
lately, i am looking for deep answers.
it isn’t so much about who or what i want to be but am i enough.
the buck stops here.
realizing that i am not super woman and that life has it’s own agenda makes me more aware of my needs. half way through my life i realized i am not where i wanted to be and that achieving that would be impossible.
they say it’s never too late for anything but i know you reach a point where some things i better left behind. i find other ways to satisfy my cravings and live what life i have and am grateful for whatever is thrown my way.
because i learn every day and if i can inspire at least one person, i know my job is done.
there are days we know are better than others and sometimes our thinking can be clouded by shit. yes i said shit because in my reality, shit happens and for some odd reason, i feel as though life has thrown me so many curve balls i should be staring in my own baseball league.
the logic will exclaim it is what you do with life that makes it but honestly i think it is again all bullshit. i say things the reality of life because most people don’t see it for what it is and need a wake up call.
lately, on a personal note, i’ve noticed i have no creativity. do i analyse this until i am blue in the face? no i take a step back and figure out what the hell is really going on. the first thing that comes to mind is either i am not open to new ideas or i just haven’t found the right niche. on the other hand i have been streaming epic thoughts and maybe the brain is working on overload.
we all try and be better than what we think is but do we really consider the possibility that maybe we are right where we should be? no more, no less.
there is a fine line between being aware of who you are and what you are actually.
most people do not consider the possibility that even though we carry many titles in our lives, we are first and foremost woman or man. titles are what we do and not who we are. i have many titles, mother, daughter, spouse, driver, president, fixer of all, leader, writer and ultimately believer in love.
i have always believed that love is and should be first because if you do not love yourself, you cannot function in this world. lack of this causes doubt and ambition for anything else. when shit goes wrong, it is the lack of love for yourself, lack of confidence sets in and you forget that even life throws you challenges, anything is possible. making people believe this has been on of the hardest things to do. i feel alienated all the time for my beliefs but i am strong on looking beyond what is right in front of me.
a beautiful and caring woman told me and reminded me of that yesterday. how to look deeper when issues arise. when i started thinking about it, i was able to consider the possibility that i am not this super woman i think i am and have to take a step back. what is happening is this:
i am falling into pieces because i have taken on more than i should. for i lack being able to let shit go, i am at a loss. mistakes are something i very familiar with but it is with mistakes that we learn.
today, i begin to really look at what is important and leave the rest. i am confident that in the end it will all work out.
there’s an old saying, keep your friends closer and your enemies closer
so true when it comes to people in general, how they can manipulate a situation or turn a story around. some even defy the very essence of your beliefs and some will undoubtedly do things you really find unacceptable. for example perception is a very dangerous word; in the eyes of some, things may be perceived in a very different way than others think. saying or doing something that is unacceptable to other may throw many red flags to an individual. we have to see things for what they really are and hope that in the end we grow with our own wellness not for the sake of others.
people who are insecure, lack the confidence to be who they are often do things or say things that gets people’s attention. they put themselves out there because they feel a need to be noticed. this is very exhausting in my view because most of the time it isn’t necessary.
everyone has their own qualities, there own value in life and i just wish that was the case with everyone. but sad to say there are some whom you know can’t resist the lack of better judgement.
i am really rethinking mine!