the truth will set you free

do you have a secret that is eating you up inside and if revealed may break a relationship?

i landed on my favourite epic inspiration Oprah life class lessons, watching the lesson below it made me very aware of something i have been keeping a secret. in any relationship we must at all cost be honest not only with ourselves but with our partner and the reality is we don’t always tell each other everything i believe for fear it might hurt the other person. but when something literately makes you sick and you can no longer keep this secret or feeling how do you handle it?

my personal and fearful reality is that sometimes it is best to leave it and let go. however when something is physically affecting your lifestyle i believe it is best to just say it out loud. how do we approach a negative feeling in order for the other person to understand it is without unintentional hurt but more to grow in the relationship. personal growth sometimes means you have to tell the people you love unconditionally the truth about something in order to set yourself free. free of guilt, free of insecurities, free of insanity.

i believe the reason we wait so long to tell someone something is because we feel as though that other person will not understand and they will reject us  or worse stop loving us | one of my biggest fears is never to be loved.

so we go about our daily lives thinking it will disappear but really it is just put on the back burner until one day your feelings or that one thing you want to say out loud will be revealed because in a moment of weakness. what happens then is the bomb! you blow up, blurt out everything and fail to really accomplish what you set out to do. freeing yourself and balance the negative and turn it into a positive.

i have done this so many times and never really got anything out of it. i felt as though i had just blasted all my feelings and in order to feel better only i found myself feeling worse for saying exactly how i felt about something. but let’s be honest, if we don’t learn to speak our truths, then how are we supposed to grow?

recently, my life has taken a big turn. i have proclaimed my love and intentions to a man i have loved for over 4 years unconditionally. i have said that for months now i want to be in his life, his future and i will not let anything stand in our way. the thing that we have allowed ourselves to fail in is communication because i believe both of us fear the negative that brings doubt and for this many nights of crying and regret have entered our realm of love. this relationship has suffered so much that my personal insecurities are over powering what is in the present time and present in the moment. i see the reality before me but the fear i have is failure. i have been so conditioned all my life, when i work at something, no matter what it is, it has always failed. bad things happen every time i get happy and it hurts inside knowing i can’t fight this losing battle. the other thing is i fear i am not enough for my man, that he is always looking else where, talking to other women as though it was acceptable but my reality is i hate it. he talks to them in the same way he talks to me and that makes me wonder what else is going on. i realise this is a trust issue and i have proclaimed that out loud many, many times.

in the beginning, i didn’t feel like that or i was totally blinded by the love therefore never suspected it. but more and more each day, i am fearful of this and trying to fix this has been my top priority. it is consuming me, my thoughts, my very core and it has to stop. i am so afraid of failing at this relationship that my whole world will crumble and will never be able to pick it back up. what i want most is to be able to tell him how i feel, share this and have him stand in front of me and say: ” its ok, i understand, i love you and appreciate you telling me your feelings and we can get through this.” but no instead i take a midol | because it helps me keep calm and subsides my thoughts and just stop myself from saying anything fearful out loud.

so here i am revealing this big secret and i am not sure which way to approach it. i have everything to lose in this situation because i feel if the truth comes out | being i am writing it i guess to late |

if this truth comes out | i will lose him and the future i have so dreamed of for years. communication is key but sometimes it really does suck when you have something to say and can’t because you fear the worse. i truly want to fix my insecurities, my jealousy but the only way i know how to fix it is to have the man i love assure me and prove to me that he wants commitment as much as i do and believing it.

unfortunately, right now i am waiting for the other shoe to drop because this has been what my life has shown me. i am strong enough to make things happen, i am strong enough to get exactly what i want but as you all know, two people have to be on the same page of this chapter. the good news is i am aware of my feelings, i am aware of what my weakness is and that in itself is having the ability to make things EPIC.

i hope you take from the video | it is lengthy but i feel it was a good lesson. take an hour out of your schedule, sit and listen and learn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyK18GJCB4g

 

how to get epic results

recent days have shown me the only way to get something is to speak up. it is never easy to communicate our feelings and thoughts when you feel as though no one will understand. sometimes it is because we fear the worse or maybe we fear the disappointment. it is a two way street when it comes to relationships and if both parties are willing to invest the time in actually sitting down and telling each other these needs and wants, it is amazing how the final result can shed so many previous worries.

i was always under the impression that love, relationships did not or should not require work but to my surprise it’s not about struggling at it |  it is about being able to keep that steady pace. once the words are said, it should be left at that. i have been very frustrated over the past few weeks with concerns in my life and the simplicity of it is that i just have to say it out loud and be fearless. keeping in mind that the answers i get may not be exactly what i want to hear but what i need to understand.

i truly believe there can be a happy medium in all life’s concerns and knowing it is the best way to come to a resolution. the trick is learning how to let go of the small stuff but never neglecting the things that need to be communicated. fear nothing, say what you want and respect the outcome. we all learn from our daily lives and we must take those lessons and grow from them. be aware of what you can fix for yourself to make your life epic and be good to those who truly love you and want you in their lives.

why men are so smart

Steve Harvey quoted: ‘men are stupid’ in on of his videos and he views relationships, i really liked this one:

Steve Harvey on How to Tell Whether Your Man Has a Plan for You | The Oprah Winfrey Show | OWN

what i find amazing is that Steve Harvey thinks men are stupid and admits it but i truly believe men are very smart. they have ruled the world for years and still do. most will tell you that women have the power over men when in reality this is just a farce to make us believe we are totally in control of all situations. men allow us to believe this in order to keep the peace because men cannot deal with the idea of a woman being right.

it’s the idea put into their heads for centuries that the man is the strong one, leading, working, providing and women were to take the back seat until the men decide what is best for them | and i meant themselves.

you see, men will say yes dear, whatever you want dear but in reality they are saying i let you do and say what you want because i can and have that power. deep down when you really look at this, a woman thinks she is winning in every situation when in reality the man has taken control, selfish as it is, in order to satisfy his ambition and his ego.

so basically when you are trying to tell your man something it isn’t that he doesn’t understand or want to understand it is because he isn’t in control and will turn the whole conversation around in order to make him inferior to your needs and wants because he is conditioned in this way. in the back of his mind he is thinking how can i make this about me without making her feel bad? in reality i truly believe the man is so smart that he is also thinking no matter what i say or do, she is going to be upset or disapprove of my opinion and decisions.

so let’s be honest about this men are really smart | they believe whatever the conversation or situation they will find a way to make it about themselves. the only time a woman wins is in bed and even then, when they fulfil you in bed they are still the king because they have given you want you needed.

face it ladies…we will never win.

the concept of consideration

i have come to realize that having a great relationship is not only impossible but it seems as though the fight is always one sided.

i can speak for many women i know, we always feel as though men | in general | are selfish and have no consideration for our feelings and what is worse, when you have a dispute or you leave your partner with no words or produce this massive silence between the two of you, women always look like the ones who are impossible to please.

i can also tell you, women are not at all impossible but in order to understand us you need to communicate your feelings and thoughts effectively if not direct. it isn’t rocket science | simply speak your mind, understand the concept of consideration for our feelings because we do communicate them. we don’t walk away and leave each other in the dark | we say how we feel, we deal with every situation as best as we can and no matter how hard or hurtful something may be, we accept that sometimes certain situations can’t be changed.

silence is the key ingredient to killing ones’ soul. when you thought that someone shared the same goals, the same love, the same ambitions and finding out it isn’t at all what it seems is a concept i am very aware of. what does happen to us women in this situation is we question our abilities to be because of relationship failure and feel so damn frustrated because although we have done everything possible to make things work and still we are doomed to failure.

a friend said yesterday ‘be strong’ | how can i do that when i feel as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest and taken to a place where even directions or google map can’t help? i believe time will have to decide my fate and when i regain my self confidence, maybe i will be able to love again.

how to factor someone in your life

i have had two great loves in my life, both have failed and left me very disappointed and burned by the fact they cannot factor me in their lives. not to mention they have issues with commitment, therefore i have asked myself time and time again, why i keep going back to this kind of unhealthy relationships?

the last three days i have been a series of questions and silence. my current love has left me hide and dry again for the | i can’t count how many times | because this is what he does to me. he can’t face talking about issues we have therefore he ignores me. honestly, the last few times i did make the initial steps to set things straight but this time i know i must let it go.

he is just using whatever life i have left and sucking it out of me. i can’t take it any longer and it just devastates me to the point of questioning my inner values. why waste time on someone who doesn’t have any consideration for my feelings and doesn’t see it necessary to communicate when in a relationship?

which lead me to the honest truth…there is none | he obviously never wanted the relationship and it was only convenient for him when he was available. the sad part is that this had happened over and over in the past and i knew this but i was trying to make it work, nonetheless. the compromises were becoming more and more and i could feel the rejection setting in.

this is not the life i want. i want someone who will be there, take the time to communicate with me when plans are in place and not just assume this is acceptable for both.

now the hurt out weighs everything and i must go through the motions in order to be stronger in the end. i hate this feeling of emptiness because it shows me how naive i was in thinking this man would ever, ever really commit to me.

i just hope i can come back from this without remorse, regret and smarter.

.when things are just not right

what i have noticed this week are my struggles with life and people. the ultimate question this week is whether it is important or not but i find myself struggling with the fact that no matter how hard i try to make things smooth, i am still not satisfied with anything.

yesterday, i got a horrible phone call from my son and my thoughts were i wanted to go and rescue him from this massive disaster he was facing. my struggle was that my hands were tied and there was absolutely nothing i could do. i can’t really explain the situation however, i can tell you as a mother it is one of the most difficult things when you know things are out of your control even when you know your child is in danger.

the other thing this weak is life in general | i mean work is hard enough without having anal people on your back all the time. i can feel the tension amongst my colleagues and it is just sad that nothing can be done. we shouldn’t have to work like this | we should be able to get to work and enjoy our day. hence, another thing out of my control.

my last thing is love | something i can’t do anything about because the struggle is stronger than i wish to admit. loving someone means you have to love everything about them and are willing to live with it. i am not only because it upsets me so much that i continue this crazy circle of frustration because i love this person so much. the thing about is it is unhealthy.

therefore, all in all, after getting a great massage yesterday for the first time in my life, i am still tense because there are things that need fixing and i can’t fix them. it isn’t that i want a perfect little world but i want what i deserve.

why is it so hard to attain?