.what we see in our own minds

what i have learned this week is this, no matter what city or country you are in, people react and act in the same way. there is always some asshole getting under your skin.

this week i traveled across the country on business and i have met some pretty unique individuals. some of which i already knew and are great people to hang out with. i appreciate their value and insight on our mutual subject. there are some who seem to stand out in the crowd. irritating, loud and obnoxious. you pretty much just want to slap them or tell them what you really think but of course we all know that is not respectful. although i am a big believer of letting people be who they are some people need to be told once in a while.

in stressful times we all find our way to deal and as this week progressed, there were times when i needed some quiet alone time. not only to study and adhere to deadlines but just for the sake of being quiet. i find we must give ourselves those moments in order to survive the mockery of others. on my last night, the pressure is off and i am surrounded by the beauty of this city. i am always grateful as everyone knows when i visit places because i appreciate the chance to view the world.

the gardens and the campus here is full of memorials and wonderful landscape. it really makes you think about the people who have passed through here and how many stories they may have had. the history behind this place is also quit interesting and will long be in the books for years to come.

i find it amazing how many people take advantage of place. i, on the hand, find i am in luxury for a week because these are things i do not possess. take for instance our rooms, i swear it may seem a small thing for some but for me it is an escape. i love hot tubs but i also like a nice luxurious bubble bath and i can tell you i have had one every day this week. thank you, thank you. the other fun part is someone comes into your room and makes your bed every day. (that’s my ha ha moment) like any other place if you leave money on the desk, they treat you like royalty and give you extra things.

all packed and ready to go, i am not sure i will ever return here but i can honestly say, i have learned many new things and experienced a lifetime of knowledge.

 

 

.turn it off

ever get the feeling people just don’t know how to shut shit off or worse filter their minds? as i gather myself, i am reminded of a time when everything seemed less complicated and wonder if i did this to myself.

i talk often about how to simplifying my life and yet every time i turn around, something else is happening to affect this motivation. take for instance this week, i am being challenged on so many levels, surrounded by people who some i do not know and are equal in my professional sector, although make you feel less worthy of their cause but on the other hand there are those who encourage and motivate in order to feel the confidence need to get through this ordeal.

my interpretations of something are never what others think or feel and this my friends becomes very challenging. i feel frustrated and undervalued, therefore my self esteem at times goes out the friggin door. i do a very good job of hiding it and i am well on my way to discover how i have to be with these people.

direct! i think what i need to do is stand up to them and tell it like it is.

i am who i am, i learn in my own way and in order for me to function properly i have to be who i desire. they will just have to accept me and my feelings and move on. i will lower my way of thinking just because they feel things should be done a certain way. i will definitely make it clear that i have to do this for me and no one else.

they will just have to understand.

 

.an explanation never understood

ever get the feeling sometimes that people just don’t get what you are saying? you try over and over to explain a need or a want and still you struggle with the end result. how can people be so unclear, especially when you describe something from a to z.

maybe it is because some of us do not know how to explain things or the fact that some may have a vision so clear in their head, they see nothing else. they do not even hear you when you are speaking; all they hear is bla bla bla!

clearly, when verbal communication is at play, we must make sure the other person is getting the right words in their head. acting out, even getting them to repeat your needs and wants sometimes helps. unfortunately, in some cases, people just don’t hear what you are saying. it doesn’t matter how well you communicate, they have it in their brain to do it their way.

i guess that is why the power of words are essential in any language and situation but it makes me wonder why for so many years, the reason i stayed silence was for that exact reason? knowing i would never be understood or that people did not care what i thought or felt, made me keep to myself. i am no stranger to acknowledging how different i am but at least i respect others and their feelings and thoughts on aspects of life.

i heard a saying once: ‘ change your tactics. ‘ find another way to express yourself and then maybe people will understand.

.children work relationships

sometimes i think our lives are unsettled because we seek a deeper meaning.

 

when someone opens your eyes, you take that moment and realize life is full of adjectives. rarely do we stop and think there is meaning behind a moment but only to value its existence. my unconditional love has vanished and knowing this makes me question my deeper desires. much need answers to a question lately: “why am i not happy?”

for years i have talked about that empty corner, one box always unfulfilled and still today it haunts. it was a time when i was learning to be a better parent, person and lover. today, i am successful, completely myself and yet there is still that one thing i do not have. why else would i question myself.

looking deeper…

i know for a fact that my unsettling feeling comes from knowing my children are not where they should be and until they have what they want i think there is a part of me that does not want to go further. i do not want to complete this journey of wanting better until i know they are happy with their lives. this sounds absolutely crazy as now they are adults, they much make their own way i have. on the other hand, it is only natural to want better for your children no matter what age they are in the present moment.

i remember a few years ago when i started travelling to these wonderful places and the guilt i felt, leaving them behind, i was sitting on a beautiful beach in the tropics and they were back home in this hell hole. it made me feel like shit. now, they understand why i do travel and it is okay. i do not feel guilty and i do what i must to make myself sane again.

my relationships are the hardest at this moment because i do not agree with most people i encounter or that i interact on a daily basis. i feel this great need to be just simple, go about my own business and live the life that i should. unfortunately, i still ache because many of these people mean a great deal to me and their views on things shine in most situations. what troubles me is i can simply walk away and i don’t.

so there you have it, in this moment i am troubled with all this stuff and in order for me to find answer i truly believe i must prioritize.

.grateful

silence, how wonderful it is to your ears; what is even more beautiful and we take for granted are the birds chirping in the early morning. when everyone is still asleep, i am up listening to this beauty.

it’s a new week and one can never tell what it will bring. while us Canadians had a wonderful long weekend, a much needed rest, flowers are planted, pool is up and running and yard is clean. let’s not forget how the grass has grown and now is trimmed.

what we also face sometimes are things that happen unexpectedly. i have always been grateful for what i have, only because i feel in my lifetime i have worked very hard and getting things i need and want. my luxuries are merely a necessity to some and i can honestly say, most people in this world forget how beautiful life can be if you just listen.

another great thing is when you can really trust people to take on responsibility. i believe there are still people out there who are willing and able to help when it is necessary. i have a friend like that and although he may not realize it, he has lifted a great weight off my shoulders.

i run an organization that is very stressful at times only because i had taken on much of this responsibility on my own. day and night, i was beginning to swallow myself away and now, this friend (colleague) has helped. learning has always been my forté and this lesson was about delegating some of the work, trusting in others and feeling good about it.

well today, this morning, i am confident i will not have to dictate this new responsibility which i have given to someone else. this will give me the time i need to continue my journey and work on my own projects.

if this person even reads my posts, “thank you”.

the power of women

i am attending an important conference this week and i was listening to a panel of women fight for women’s rights. i respect everyone who believe’s in what they believe but this is my opinion on this issue. for years women have been fighting to be equal to men, equal pay for the same work, we have been making our mark in society and have lived the tell the stories. standing up for the rights of women is a very big issue but of course epic reality has a different take on this matter.

let me enlighten you…

i believe women make targets for themselves, yes we have to stand strong, yes we want equal pay and so many other things. i think the emphasis is so high that we target our own abilities. we are being judged all the time for being women who either complain or want the impossible. maybe it is because we are speaking out to much and we because targets to society.

Image result for women's rights wallpaper

it is like the person who does crazy things to stand out in the crowd. people judge and make fun of them or just realize they do these things to get attention. in reality people do not pay attention to this. you have to take a strong realistic approach with all matters and to make yourself heard. doing the bitching dance sorta speak does not get you noticed. in the end, if you look at all the powerful men in the world, they always have a good woman behind them guiding, consulting and advising them. men are stronger only because the male gender has been in power for years. in the earlier centuries it was said the women stands back but the woman always had the right to refuse anything that she did not feel just for her own well being.

most men will never admit that they believe in their woman’s thoughts and interests but most men are proud of their women and what they represent. let’s face it, without each other we would not be here.