selective thoughts

life.

how can you describe the way you feel on any given moment?

i spent much of the night awake thinking about all kinds of things in my life and how i can manage my thoughts better. negative or positive, they seem to always creep up when it’s bedtime and i lack sleep for it. i realized how stressed i was when i recently went for my yearly physical and as the doctor tried to test my reflects, i had none. she tried so hard to get me to relax and with no success.

so what next?

i need to learn a way to relax 
and stop worrying about life. 

everything bothers me, i mean everything. i can’t just be satisfied that i have a good life, i can buy whatever i want, save money, work, walk, breathe, dance…(you get the picture) and yet i am constantly filling my head with negative thoughts and worry.

i believe routine plays a big rolls in this; my life has surrounded others for so long that i can’t stop and think of only myself. when i do, i feel selfish, undeserving of the good things i can give myself and am left with that “iky” feeling of worry. learning to not give shit is not my ‘fort√©’ and i can’t for the life of me let things go.

i’ve tried it all; focusing on positive daily lines, reading inspiring stories, watching my inspiring guru Brendon Burchard and here i am still ranting about not getting the message into my head.

let it all go! (rinse and repeat)

people, ideas, chit-chat, actions, they all consume my very core.

i remember a friend of mine saying:

"take what you need and let the rest go"

but when it is in your face, how can you do this? (other than the delete button)