Second Guessing Life and it’s Challenges

confidence.

one of the biggest challenges in life and far greater than life itself. we all have our own difficulties but in my case is a lack of self-confidence. you wouldn’t know it by talking to me or by interacting with me because i hide it very well. people i know see a person who is a leader, who acts when needed and who certainly takes care of business. but the truth is when i am faced with challenges and i feel as though i can’t get results or understanding, i panic.

doubt sets in, worry, abnormal behavior of second-guessing all my decisions and then i stop. i think for a moment and of course, i write. i feel if i lay it all out, get the facts out of my big head, i may just see the light. these days i lack the patience with people who for some odd reason are not with the program, as i like to put it. i am trying very hard to learn something complex and for lack of confidence, i am finding it difficult to grasp certain content.

then it happens.

i start thinking about my past jobs, how easy they came to me and i wonder if i have made a mistake. the reality is i know i haven’t because i am much happier now but why is it these other jobs were simply free flowing. i never second-guessed myself when i was learning other new positions, although a very different career and the challenges were as hard as now.

as i sit here and think this through, i think it is because i want to be better, greater than i have ever been and i lack the patience to go with the flow. i have always wanted things to happen fast, i wanted results immediately and for the most part, i could always take action and poof! life was good. another word that comes to mind is control. i love being in control of almost everything in my life and especially when it comes to my ability to do something great. i want it all i guess and i just have to take a step back and learn to accept the challenges and certainly ask questions when needed.

however, ( you knew it was coming right? )

in my experience, the challenge is greater than the idea of being better and the meaning is high than a cloud. so for today, my readers, i will take a deep breath, think of this as a new day and hope i learn something interesting so that i may further this new adventure i am on.