Retracing Steps to find The Answer

ever get the feeling something just isn’t right? i mean you know you are questioning everything you do or say or worse the way you see yourself. i used to think i was pretty level headed, had a plan, went through with it and bam! something hits me. things are no different. oh, for a while it is because all is new and fun and exciting, but then reality sets in and you ask yourself, did i make the right choice?

i remember feeling this way many times before and it is usually a sign on insecurity and lack of confidence. however, if this is a repeated trait then how do i begin to fix this awful feeling. i retrace my steps and feel as though i did the right thing but for some reason, there are signs that make me believe all is wrong.

when we look inside ourselves, we take steps. we follow a route and grab each point as we go along. if we are satisfied with it, we check it off and never think of it again. something like a list, if you have the item then delete!

but in the real world life isn’t like. some things stay with you forever and never really disappear off the list. much like emotions, thoughts, ideas and dreams. yesterday was a very bad day for me, i sobbed most of the day trying to concentrate on this new career path i am on but i am failing. although some aspects of this new job are very good for me, other parts i am simply not good at. i have very encouraging friends who let me vent on them yesterday and i am so grateful they are there to listen to me. the reality is i have to find this happy medium for myself and decide what or how to attempt my next move.

even time should be given, i do not feel the time is the reasoning behind this frustration. i believe it is something i have been struggling with all my life. it has to be mended in order to see the light. maybe i was reaching to far and i failed myself and that is why i am facing this inevitable reality.

still, the moment you realize you are not in a good place, there is the alternative. i am left with making decisions.