.live to tell

we all know there are good days and there are bad days. how we handle them depends on your audience. yesterday for some odd reason i was very irritated with many things and as i sat in front of a friend of mine at work, the more i vented out side the box the more irritated i became. i felt as though she really wasn’t listening but i was feeling judged. although i respect this person and find her bright and shiny like a new penny, i was pretty upset and felt unheard.

i warned my bf i was having a bad day and i must say he is very good and letting me vent and never judge my feelings on anything. he just more less sits there and let’s me be me. i do respect him and usually tell him to give me a few minutes to compose myself.

what i am feeling this morning is this same upset and i can’t pin it down for some odd reason. it is as though something is eating me inside and i am frustrated with this on so many levels. i think it has to do with christmas and that my spark isn’t there this year. i am trying to hide it with colors and decorations of the sort, even being festive and dressing up for the occasion all the while it is the feeling within that needs dressing up.

something is missing.

maybe i’ll figure it out, maybe i won’t but as the day approaches and we only have 2 more days to work, i must compose myself and be who i don’t want to be.