.life’s decision making

we often take a step back when forced to make important decisions. there are some that become very easy, like your every day job. you know exactly what has to be done and you do it. but then there other decisions that for some reason seem so complicated and you can wrap your head around it. people make it look so easy and when it boils down to it, life has a way of showing you that nothing is easy.


even if you work hard at something and believe you have exhausted all possibilities, there comes another thing around the corner.

so how do people begin to make sense and simplify?

you don’t.

you either have to accept the process or eliminate it. taking steps to improve your quality of life is one of the hardest things. i am personally at a point where i do not want to work hard for things only because i have been blessed with the negative in everything i try and accomplish. there are times when i do things because i am obligated and then there are times when i want to just throw in the towel and say ‘fuck it’.

unfortunately, some options come with a price and i am left back at square one because we all know for sure, with every action, there is a reaction. those who know me, know that i have been ranting and raving or more complaining about buying and owning my home. something i discovered a few months ago, which i will never have. now, my spouse on the other hand can buy this house for us to live in with only the obligation to split the cost of every day living as we do now.

i have to be honest, worried i am not that if something happens to us, i would have to start over, i am certainly fine with that. my problem is the getting there. the process is absolutely exhausting and i am not quite sure at the moment whether i have in me to go the distance. after all is said and done, yes i can work hard at making it just as we like it and yes i can afford the payments.

logically, the reason for this purchase is space and why pay someone else when you can pay yourself. but technically, myself, i will be just paying someone else. this is how analytical i am. it isn’t like in the old old days when you used to barter to get a piece of land, let me know tell you it is so much more complicated than most people realize.

what it boils down too is my own personal self. the why and the when is pretty clear but it’s the how that becomes very complicated. a person can tell you all the in’s and out’s but until you actually go through this process, you will never understand.

therefore now, i really have to make a decision.

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