we all have ghosts, we all have many ideas that get shot to the ground and we have to ask ourselves, why bother? as a child growing up, i felt as though all my ambitions were lesser than most and every time i wanted to do something really important, something that mattered to me, i was shot down.
as an adult, it is pretty much the same ‘shit’ different day. people do not seem to respond to anything i say or do or maybe it is just not meant to be. yesterday, i took a leap i never thought would happen and i honestly feel it is one of the best decisions i have ever made. you come to a point when you feel so low and unappreciated, you just decide.
i can’t explain the details of my personal life but i can say this. my self esteem and confidence has drowned so much over the years i am at a stand still at the moment. i can’t even imagine what is next for me but i can tell you i can’t continue on the road to nowhere. realizing that i have allowed myself to become this low again, really discourages me from anything. my ambitions, shot down over and over and for what?
i feel no trust in people and certainly no confidence. who i thought was at least remotely considerate and understanding has proven to be my worse enemies.i am sure when the dust settles, as they say, i will be a figure of speech or a monument in time.
all i need now is somehow to regain my self awareness of epic and all will work itself out.
epic advice: never allow others to determine your fate, your inspirations and mostly you life. it will only hurt you more in the end.