.i do or i don’t

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i have been thinking a lot about marriage lately; not relationships but the concept of marriage. the wife, the husband and mostly why i don’t have one. more so, why no one has ever asked me in over 24 years. sad but true, i guess relationships and have come and gone but my biggest question is why no one has loved me enough to ever want to marry me?

it is a scary feeling to think that i am not worthy enough to even think about wanting to marry me or spending the rest of their lives with me. so it makes me wonder what it is or more so what does it take to finally snatch up the real love and i do’s.

there have only been two men that i can honestly say i would truly marry and even then i think their love was never strong enough to hold us together. their concept of marriage was null and void and every time i mentioned it, it was like asking for the world or even mixing up the wrong spices for the soup. (sorta speak)

they seemed more scared and i kept asking myself what was so scary about marriage.  if they were willing to spend the rest of their lives with you, what was the big deal about a paper?

so my thoughts today: the truth is those men wouldn’t know the true concept of love if it hit them in the ass but on the other hand maybe they have bigger issues. just the same, it makes me feel so low and unworthy that i am now wondering if i deserve i do.


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