I Can’t Change Back

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we all try and change our lives to make it better, stronger and successful. thriving for the impossible is my middle name and all through my efforts failed to encourage the possibility of a great life and career, I find myself feeling very in the moment.

as I have been cleaning up social networks, friendships, getting rid of the clutter, I find myself thinking, what the hell is this all for? even the ambition, the striving, working my ass off to get nothing in return. I looked around my place yesterday thinking as well how I have attempted to make my home a better place and I am totally unsatisfied with all my surroundings.

most people would think I am totally off the charts, depressed, dilusional, even maybe crazy but honestly I am very focused and self aware. the idea that last year I completely did a 360 in thinking by changing my career would totally destroy my life, never came to the surface. what happened was, as always, I wanted out. what I didn’t realize is how it would change my path forever.

it is like aging, you go back to the beginning only to realize, there never was a beginning, only the thought of reliving your past, which is totally impossible. the fact remains, even though I clean it all up, delete and delete, the thoughts still ponder in my head.

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I can’t change back, I can’t get anything back and I certainly can’t reverse.

I am very discouraged I can say that and I am totally sure there are many people out there who have been through this kind of trauma in their lives but I am at a lost at the moment. I can’t find peace in my mind and am concerned with where this is all going to take me.

when faced with your own disappointing reality, how do we encourage others to find happiness and inner calmness?


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