i feel unjust.
i feel pissed off.
and then all of a sudden, people need validation. why does a person have to justify their feelings? i have learned that anytime someone challenges you on something, it is because there is something deep within they are consumed with and must take it out on others.
i do not feel as though i point the finger at anyone but the odd time i am in need of communication, on a personal note, others need to lash back and want to almost fix it. they just can’t leave it alone. it is almost like wanting to be the person who has the last word.
the other day, i told you about a personal dilemma i was having and a letter i was going to write to my so called family members. i am not out for revenge nor am i out to destroy anyone but merely stating facts based on my feelings alone. i did not expect a response or continued conversation about this letter because it was merely my own feelings and justification.
this family i was connected with a long time ago, has been a constant reminder of the failures i have made. in comparing myself to them, i have missed the best parts of my life, not with encouragement but with jealousy.
again, why do i have to justify this? they are my thoughts, a discharge if you will to better understand the situation.
i have so many people hounding me these days i just feel so trapped all the time as if there is no good in the world left. it is hard to keep my head up and concentrate.
in my professional life i have enough people to answer too, i don’t feel i should have to answer to anyone else in my personal life except my spouse, my children and myself. i am responsible for no one else’s feelings and never should have to justify any of my words.
i am very stressed over this and hopefully soon i can release myself from this stress, otherwise i will be the one being thrown under the bus.