looking back, i know i like change. i like changing my environment, i have changed jobs many times, even when i like something i try to find a way to make it more interesting. they say variety is the spice of life but one thing i never did like changing were my relationships.
i grew up hoping i would be with the love of my life for over 25 years and it never happened. finding that one person that completes you in all aspects of your life is not in my vocabulary. would i love to change that? of course.
if i had a magic wand i would have the ideal partner. i think we all want that but when i look around me at the people who are important in my life, they all have it.
so what makes them better than me, having exactly what i want seem so unattainable? i am not a difficult person, i do not fly in all directions like i am on some kind of psycho trip and i am certain open to changes and compromises. if i was to take that moral inventory of myself, which i have by the way, i know what i am and capable of.
why is when shit hits the fan, that one person can’t stick by me and work on the hard stuff?
i truly believe i will never have the answer.