ever wake up some mornings and say, WTF am i doing? whatever the scenario, there are times when we look at our lives and wonder if i had done this, or changed that, if life would be different.
when you are faced with challenges, things that you just don’t agree with or like about your entire being, you question every aspect of your past. most people will tell you that you should never live in the past but how else are we going to live in the future if you don’t see where we have been and what we have learned.
the truth is we can’t change what has happened and we can’t dwell on what if’s but we can see where the damage happened and rearrange this moment. i can tell you the hard part about this is that if we alter this very moment, there is sure to be certain aspects of our lives that will change the future. it is a constant battle of where the fuck is this all going and if we truly are happy in our life in the present day. some are good, some are bad and some you just can’t tell.
i am always altering my behavior and life for others and it often makes me sick to think i have to do this on a daily basis. i just want to live my life, never worry and ultimately do my thing and go home at the end of the day. sounds simple enough but it isn’t. there is always something hanging in the back or someone wanting something or one or two people that disrupt your way of life.
pretty much why i never plan any longer because i know that it doesn’t work that way. the choices we make will be altered no matter how hard you try and make this time concrete. even if you stick to the plan, there is sure to be diversion.
today, i get my Christmas tree, the smell of pine flowing through the house and then the presents wrapped under the tree. everyone loves this time of year, it seems it is full of happy, love and crazy people rushing around. i on the other hand always wait until the last minute to get my shopping done because i know what i want and just go get it. it never has to be complicated, you get what you can and live and let live.
i hope all of you are being safe and enjoy your epic moments as they come.