i sometimes wonder what really makes us who we are. we are molded into life by our up bringing, values, ideas, respect and as we get old some us fall off the wagon and make our choices. we forget what we were thought and decide to make our own interpretations of how our life would best suit us.
the problem lies within the need to make things better. i was reading a piece of a book how most people forget to live in the moment. some worry about their future, some find time to think about past regrets and it alters their today. why do we do this? because there are things in the past that make us who we are today.
should it ? NO.
i am guilty of this ambition, remember shit that happened in the past and for the life of my i can’t thinking how incredibly irresponsible i was in my younger years. had i taken a different path, how my life would be molded somewhat better. i guess maybe that is the reasoning i find myself in for the inner feelings of unhappiness for the most part. i have said it time and time again how letting go is not my strong suit but when will it be?
i know in my real world, people judge me all the time, they make their own impressions of my life and think they can fix it. but the real scenario here is my own choices and how i want to live my own life to my expectations. i am deeply considering my choices in the next few weeks and i believe it is going to be a shocker. i am feeling very tired and my body is giving me a good indication of that.
the willingness to be happy and wanting a better life is really within, which is a good thing. i feel as though i am inches away of making it happen and whatever reaction people have of me, well i am going to just say “FUCK THEM”.