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sometimes i think our lives are unsettled because we seek a deeper meaning.

 

when someone opens your eyes, you take that moment and realize life is full of adjectives. rarely do we stop and think there is meaning behind a moment but only to value its existence. my unconditional love has vanished and knowing this makes me question my deeper desires. much need answers to a question lately: “why am i not happy?”

for years i have talked about that empty corner, one box always unfulfilled and still today it haunts. it was a time when i was learning to be a better parent, person and lover. today, i am successful, completely myself and yet there is still that one thing i do not have. why else would i question myself.

looking deeper…

i know for a fact that my unsettling feeling comes from knowing my children are not where they should be and until they have what they want i think there is a part of me that does not want to go further. i do not want to complete this journey of wanting better until i know they are happy with their lives. this sounds absolutely crazy as now they are adults, they much make their own way i have. on the other hand, it is only natural to want better for your children no matter what age they are in the present moment.

i remember a few years ago when i started travelling to these wonderful places and the guilt i felt, leaving them behind, i was sitting on a beautiful beach in the tropics and they were back home in this hell hole. it made me feel like shit. now, they understand why i do travel and it is okay. i do not feel guilty and i do what i must to make myself sane again.

my relationships are the hardest at this moment because i do not agree with most people i encounter or that i interact on a daily basis. i feel this great need to be just simple, go about my own business and live the life that i should. unfortunately, i still ache because many of these people mean a great deal to me and their views on things shine in most situations. what troubles me is i can simply walk away and i don’t.

so there you have it, in this moment i am troubled with all this stuff and in order for me to find answer i truly believe i must prioritize.

be epic share

Posted by editor

woman, mother, writer and leader in her own surroundings, living life unconditionally. she values self development and teaches her readers to be true to life's needs.

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