what i know now

life is hard, i have heard it said it doesn’t have to be but life is full of bullshit and detours we never expect. it doesn’t matter how structured you are or how disciplined you can be, sometimes life takes turns.

i see so many lives being altered by society, it has to be said : WTF!

life moments are so important, laughing, singing, enjoying the sun, the birds, life’s little pleasures and most of us forget how to take those moments and turn them into gold. i am a very lucky lady, i have a great spouse, healthy children, a great job and the support of people all around me. i am admired by many, so i am told and i am fortunate enough to be smart. i never take my life for granted because it is precious. it took me a long time to realize and how to focus on the simplicity of life and how to achieve it. i do what i want and what is good for me and i do not for one second regret any of my decisions.

i also love with a whole heart and believe in the power of acceptance. i hate negativity because i feel it blocks the reality of all that is good. i am forever questioning those who do not feel the need to better themselves or have the ability to even try.

growing and knowing is my learning experience!

philosophy versus reality

“a man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them” – Sigmund Freud

proper behavior, do we really know what that is? we were taught from time of birth, growing up in different cultures and societies, certain behaviors are unacceptable. some are simple, normal and others quite outrageous. i had a giggle yesterday, standing in line at a department store, watching, learning, behavior of humans thinking how polite we have to be in the customer service world.

coming face to face with people is a learned behavior – my thoughts were this: how nice it would be if we could be honest and natural! when someone says, ‘how are you today?’ is there not a time when you just want to say:

“shitty but thanks for asking”

most people react in a polite way saying thank you or fine thanks when in reality they are probably having the worse day. why are people conditioned to be so nice when in reality we should be honest and respectful? i think of this because i believe we suffer from truth and so no reasoning behind being normal. i have certainly been able to speak my mind and thoughts when reality sets in, in a respectful way and i totally feel charged when i can do this. acceptance also comes to mind when other people can allow you to freely express your truth. why for the life of me do most people keep everything bottled up inside, especially knowing it is doing harm to their well being or worse people (most) keep dwelling on shit that has been lived over and over for years?

because my friends, they haven’t learned.


i am telling you, the next time someone says how’s your day going, ask yourself in that moment in time – is it really a good day, GREAT! then say that but if NOT! tell the truth. watch the reaction but think of how you feel. we need not prove anything to anyone but only to ourselves.


manufactured drama to fill your emptiness

people invent stories, we hear it, we see it and most of all we feel it.  for years i have seen people get destroyed by words and the power it has over some. what i have learned is how this power is manufactured and why. people will say you need big shoulders and should shrug off the things that may or may not affect us. what i know is that when for some reason or other certain words that seem to dramatize our lives, in that moment in time, crawls under your skin and stays there.

the big thing is  you have to realize why it is affecting you in a certain way.  those who speak this language understand that most people start stories because they have deeper issues, voids that need to be fulfilled. when i am caught in a moment when something someone says is driving me to the core i ask myself why. usually it is some small event that captures a photo in my mind and then it slowly disappears. other times, i really must look closely to understand the concept – then for a while i linger into the vault of past events. once i know exactly the reasoning behind my epic upset, i see it for what it is – another moment in time.

does this really have importance on my present life? not really but it does help me discover how life’s maturity has surfaced and i can take it or leave it.

so to those people who manufacture drama, take a look at your life and ask yourself what you are missing to fill your void.

verbal masturbation

there is an old saying – “put your foot in your mouth” but i learned recently that the idea of saying what you mean is more important than hiding behind a mask.

i took a trip recently, learning to discover more about others and myself, feeling as though i was on a mission of some sort, as usual, being who i am in my own natural way. i have always been pretty comfortable in meeting new people, socialising, verbalising my opinions when i am confident that my views are important. there are also times when you need to shut up and listen because the wonder of learning strengthens your ability to live and breathe.

honestly, i can tell some bullshit story about how i get off intellectually on knowledge, which i do, but there are times when people say things that really piss me off and i can’t hold back my reactions. this is a man vs woman issue and i have seen my fair share of this disturbing characteristics and more so in the past week. i am a firm believer that both men and women bring so much to this world in their own natural way that we should never compare the two on any level.

i also feel women have come to far to still sit in the back seat and watch men take over the very essence in which we survive. granted there are some that are still living in the dark ages where men and women were not created equal as harsh as this may sound, lived by the rule – men are the strong sex!

women, of all shapes and sizes, professional and otherwise have stood their ground for many things and still today i see a number of organisations that feel the need to fight for our rights as women. this is all fine but what message is that sending out.

a wise woman once said "fuck this shit" and she lived happily ever after ♡:

i’ll tell you my personal opinion:

“that women are still struggling, we are weak and we still men to take us under our wing and show us how to live and support ourselves”

we do not. we may have trials and tribulations, we may need to work harder in fact than most men but we can do anything we put our minds too. there are so many resources out there for the woman movement and the only logic is to find them and use them.

i say this with a heavy heart as i have lived my life without the help of any man, independently and wilfully. i love men and most of you know me, adore men to the core. i just see and treat them as my equal, intellectually and in all aspects of my life.

my current partner will tell you that i am a firm believer that love & friendship comes at a price but not at the cost of lowering my standards. i am very equal to my man and proud of it. we grow each day and respect our values.

we live as one! UNITY


they say variety is the spice of life but then again to much change can shock your body and mind. i like changing things all the time especially my surroundings. i love the control of knowing i can do something | try something new and if it doesn’t work | try something else.

when it comes to love | now that’s a whole different story. i am so loyal to my partner when i am in love, i would move mountains if i could to make shit happen and work. i believe so hard in the love i have that i sometimes sacrifice my own happiness to make something work. i know in a healthy relationship we should never compromise our own happiness for the sake of others, but when it is small things, i believe sometimes you have to just suck it up and go with the flow.

i also believe that if another person loves you enough, they too should make compromises to make things work. it is only fair to see the light at the end of the tunnel if both people are in the same timeline | otherwise what is the point?

all i am saying is that change is very good when it is beneficial to both individuals in any relationship. being happy is sometimes a sacrifice we must make in order to live the life we want and truly believe in.

my favourite saying: ‘ i can have my cake and eat it too’

A Commitment To Be Happy

I found this article and wanted to share it, only because it is exactly what i am going through. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

“i’ve often heard that happiness is an inside job and much of the time, i can be as happy as i decide to be. yet i’ve often found happiness fleeting. i know it’s unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time but i think i might achieve this goal much more often if i made a firmer commitment to my decision to be happy. instead, i choose happiness and then abandon my choice at the first sign of trouble. how deep can my commitment be if i allow even slight obstacles to rob me of my sense of well-being?”

commitment takes work.

my personal view of this writing…

i have always been committed to all that i do and people i am with. if i think about it, it is exhausting to remember the things i used to do just to keep my relationships happy. the sad part is i was never happy because something was always off. either i wasn’t getting exactly what i needed out of the relationship or i hated when things weren’t happy – period! i always seen trouble as a sign of weakness in the relationship, that because something was wrong or not just right, we were doomed to fail and should not be together.

the hard part is hoping that the other partner will see this in a positive way and want to make things work for the both. you have to love someone enough to want to work at it, otherwise, you are just wasting valuable time for both parties.

i am so willing to make the commitment, open up my communication skills and learn to accept the things i cannot change, that it had to be written down. i don’t know why this has opened my eyes and my heart but i am glad it did. the willingness to grow with another is very special to me and i want the security of knowing the other will commit to this too.