i was informed yesterday that i change things a lot and from one day to the next, people don’t know what to expect from me or what will come out of my mouth.
but it is change that makes life very interesting and the things i can control, i will change to please my sanity and no one else’s. i never feel as though i have to justify my actions or what i feel and with respect i will dish out whatever comes to mind.
years ago, i wasn’t allowed to say how i feel; people would put me down all the time for speaking my feelings or my mind and i became so insecure that i never really felt like myself. you can only be true to people if you are true to yourself.
so fuck it if people don’t like what i say, i will and with respect.
the only other thing that really bothers me is the fact that i hate two face people. i being of such a loud voice, i feel it is necessary to be honest and share certain things when it is vital to one’s well being. i also hate the fact that even when i really don’t like someone, i have to still pretend i do to save face.
therefore, is that being to true to one’s self? NO.
however, i must at all cost keep the peace and not divulge my feelings towards certain individual. the true nature of my feelings will be kept locked up, shut down and when i am in good company, i will tell them my true thoughts.
if someone doesn’t like me i wish they would at least have the decency to say so on any level. i prefer the truth, even if it hurts. life goes on and so will i.