in the circle of life, we never really stop and think about what we really want. we know, on a daily basis, what needs to be done and what is expected of us.
when it really comes down to it, are we really in the right place?
i know for a fact i am not and this is why i have been working of my self development for years and more so in the last year. other than discovering my expectations were to high this week, i found something else. i looked deep inside and found nothing. what i mean is, i tried to imagine when i am most happy, what fulfils my inner core and truly – i found absolutely nothing.
i feel as though my life is at a stand still and there is nothing, no direction in which to guide me. i do everything i do because it is expected of me and really never take the time to listen to my own inner voice to find out what really makes me happy.
now let me enlighten you; i do feel absolutely great when i am in love, when that other person pays attention to me, when the smallest words will fill my heart and when someone takes the time to check in on me. it is one of those things that reassures me i am not alone and someone truly cares. the problem with all this is, when i am not with that person, i feel insecure and lonely and am right back where i started.
so how do i overcome this sense of not feeling happy?
i know the issue; ; i have noticed a pattern lately with my life that when all is great for even a moment, shit hits the fan 3 folds backwards. therefore, i have lost all confidence in the ability to hope for greatness because i know what follows. that is how i discovered expectations. never expect anything from the one you love and you will never be disappointed. but what about the normal stuff, the surprises, the unexpected “hi, hope you have a great day text message or how’s your day going”, i know i like those.
someone asked me about love last night, wanting to know if knew exactly what i wanted out of a relationship. i told this person, yes i did. i have been working on that for years but it did get me thinking:
was it all superficial or are my expectations unrealistic?
the only way to find out is write it down.