yesterday i spoke of compartmentalization, the art of putting everything in its own place and we often can’t do this. this is why most of the time our lives become unmanageable. we stress about everything and it just seems all that happens, will in fact happen all at once.
we then find ways to distract ourselves from the true reality of our lives but never accomplish anything. i think prioritizing comes into play as have to look at the value of every issue that we face and see what is most important. i write about all this well being and feeling better ourselves every day when in fact i am the biggest procrastinator about the subject. i try and fix everyone else and never really look at how i am going to make myself really happy.
i think it is because i feel a responsibility to those around me and when i do think about me and no one else, i begin to feel very guilty. for years, this has been my constant companion and i have often told myself i would stop doing this. now, midlife has taken it’s toll on me and i am becoming very tired of it all.
i am supposed to be a leader, shinning all this ability to fix things and for some reason just when i think i have it all figured out, more shit follows.
a curse, maybe but i am feeling as though i am going to collapse and then there will be no energy for anything else in my life. i also have become so negative in everything i do only because i see no good anything around me.
here i go again. i remember this feeling years ago when it all seemed dark and grey. i have tried so hard to make my life happy but when i do, something or someone comes around and destroys it.
so really can you blame me for not being as positive as i could be?
i hope all is understood.