“if you understand, things are just as they are; then they are just as they are” – Zen Proverb
i find myself thinking about the reality of the real me. let me explain…
i was among st a group of people last night whom i do not see on a daily basis and my eyes were opened, my mind was relaxed and i was very intrigued by these people. different shapes and sizes, smart and wise, interesting and fun. a guest speaker was the focus of my attention, how she pranced around the room and was or appeared so self confident. she was also very encouraging and i do not say that lightly. every time someone spoke, she would automatically say something positive to make them feel important.
how i wish we had her as a boss in our daily lives.
she also made me laugh because when she introduced herself, she had a story to tell. we were going around the table telling everyone who we were, why we were there and what we are passionate about. my giggle came from when she referred to herself as ‘an amusement park’. (she is a very large woman)
i made a joke with my friend beside me and told him we should use this line now. we are not fat or fluffy but an amusement park. i have a very dirty mind and that seemed very funny to me.
but the deeper thought here was that this woman made light of her weight and that to me means self confidence.
it made me think of my own and what the hell i was struggling with all this time. it was the first time i had admitted to a bunch of people how i lack self confidence. relieved you could say and undoubtedly surprised.
therefore i sit here with you writing about this realizing i have made a break through in my own self worth. willingly admitting i have a big self esteem issue is a hard thing to do and yes i hate my body. i guess over the years the imagination of what i should look like and what i am has taken it’s tole. some days i am good with it, i say f*** it this is me and other days i just feel very ashamed.
the one thing that i find interesting is this: the people around me do not see my amusement park but the personality.
my own 10 challenge: every day, for the next 10 days, i will find one thing i love about my self, character or otherwise and congratulate myself on it.
i have a created a calendar if you want to do this challenge with me. you can leave comments telling me how you struggle with your own self esteem and do the work with me.
10 challenge to a better me (free download calendar)